Finally....The Moment Has Arrived

Me, Graham Duncan, avid Wildcat fan...I never thought this would happen. UK is in the Final Four for the first time in 13 years. Who would have thought that this group of players (who have nowhere near the talent of last year's squad) would do what last year could not? Let me be the first to say that I certainly didn't...along with all of Big Blue Nation. But let me also be the first to say that I will be one of the most avid supporters of this team in the country. This squad is simply amazing. They play on a 6 man rotation...their talent isn't quite what other teams have. But they have heart. They've proven that having the top recruiting class isn't everything. They've proven what can happen when you believe in yourself and in the rest of your team. Throughout the whole season there wasn't much for UK. Sure we only lost 9 games this whole season...but all of those were on the road and away from Rupp Arena. We couldn't stay tough in close games, there just wasn't a desire to win. They have that desire now. They stormed through the SEC tournament in spectacular fashion. They got a 4 seed in the NCAA tournament and got placed in the same bracket as Ohio State and North Carolina...and guess who is in the Final Four? That's right UK is. This team is amazing. The way they have come together with each other is awesome. They have chemistry, they trust each other, they trust their coach, they have the backing of the best fan base in the country...they have Josh Harrellson. Anything I could say would just be repeating and rehashing what others have said, so I'm going to stop right there. But I want to add that I love this team. This basketball team is amazing I love watching them play and I absolutely cannot wait to see what they do in these last two games. Let's go UK! And so we go.

Life's Little Quirks

Life. This short time on Earth that we have. It throws us up, it throws us down, it gives us a ride then gives us away. We are slaves to life's whims...and life is sometimes very whimsical. It's those whimsical times that I look forward to.

Life loves to give us some times to laugh. It knows that it is way too hard on us, so it tries to lighten the mood every now and then. An inside joke between friends. That weird kid in the lunch room who sweats a ridiculous amount for no apparent reason. Unintentional slap stick comedic occurrences. Life loves to entertain us in between the trials and tribulations. These "quirks", if you will, make everything else worth it. For without the joy, the pain is unbearable.

"Life is pain...anyone who says differently is selling something." (Cary Elwes playing as Westly in The Princess Bride). This is more or less true, life is a series of sufferings and hard times. Life doesn't discriminate between rich and poor in its dealings with mortals. The tough times hit everyone...regardless of status.

But the quirks...the whimsical moments...the good times...the inside jokes...the weird people...everyone contributes to the whimsical-ness of life. It's a wonderfully quirky, and oppositely painful experience that we love.

And so we go.

It's Better to Have Loved and Lost...but I wish I had never Loved at all...

Have you ever had strong feelings of any sort? Anger. Hatred. Love. Emotions cloud the judgment and make you blind to everything. They create a picture that is shaped by the feelings and isn't always necessarily true. Love can make you ignore the faults of a person...even if the faults are really really bad. Anger can make you blind to the good side of a person. It's a two way street.

The teenage years are turbulent ones. Hormones are raging whether you're in the grips of puberty or not, feelings tend to get confused, and mistakes are made more often than avoided. Strong emotions are part of the roller coaster ride that is adolescent years. Love is a word overused and often misused. The strong feelings we have are confused. Love is used incorrectly and applied incorrectly as well. Love in particular has the most devastating effects on life.

Regardless of what you think about teens and love and relationships, we teens think we have love with our relationships. Do we misuse it? Absolutely. But it's part of the learning process. Through our "experiments" (I hesitate to use that term), we discover what we like in the opposite sex. We find for ourselves what we like, what we don't like, what we can live with, and what we can live without. If we didn't do this during these years we would only make our mistakes later and that would possibly be even more devastating.

Some say it's better to have loved and lost...I agree. Because when you lose what you loved it makes you appreciate what that person was to you. But the pain of losing that person who had owned your love for however long is hard to go through. Is the time that you spent with that person worth the pain of losing them without hope of getting them back? Sometimes its not. Which is why I wish I had never loved at all.

I have misused the word "love" more than I care to acknowledge. How can I help it? I don't know what love is anymore than the people who I said I loved did. We just don't know. We're eager to find out what love is because of what surrounds us. Our society pushes love and finding that person. It's pushed so much that the actual meaning of love has been lost. The media especially has clouded our views of what love is. I don't think anyone knows anymore. That is except for the people who have found it. The couple that is married for 80 years. That's love. Together through thick and thin? That's not an idea from a love song...it can happen. That's love. The first date that leads to engagement and the 80 year marriage...that's love. It's so hard to find that though.

I don't believe in love at first sight...for myself. Do I think that possibly there are instances where that happens? Sure, I don't want to say no because I don't know how all that works myself, but I acknowledge its possibility. Love is an experiment. It has no definition. Pain is involved yes, but love is also healing. It can pull you up when you're down. It is an amazing thing. I say that I wish I had never loved at all...but deep down I'm glad I have. I've learned some important things about myself through it all. Love is a good teacher like that. It's taught me that I need to leave it alone for a while. The pain of loss has finally bitten me too many times, it needs to be put to rest. Love...this is goodbye for now. I'll just have to resign myself to waiting for that person. Because I do believe that everyone has a perfect match somewhere. Call it wishful thinking on my part, but I honestly do believe that. I know that out there somewhere is the girl who really is the second half of me. That's one of the fun parts of this crazy journey we call life...the quest for your other half.

We exist simply to find companionship. That is the ultimate goal. I don't care what you say...single people aren't always happy. Humans yearn for the comfort of other people, especially that one person that fits perfectly with you. It's a rare match to make. But that's why the experimentation is important. It paves the way for the perfect person. They're out there...waiting for you.

Love. You have bitten me too many times. I've said it before...I need a break. The pain is hard to deal with, but I'll get through it. That's another lesson from love...how to take the loss and heartbreak and turn it into something good. Dealing with it. Moving on. That's life. That's love.


And so I go...

Sunsets...and Sunrises

As I'm riding on the way back from the KYLSC State "A" Championship swim meet we are heading back west from Lexington. It is approximately 6:32 in the evening (Central Time), and there is an absolutely beautiful sunset in front of us. There's just something about the sun sinking below the horizon that changes the whole world. The sun goes from a bright yellow to varying shades of red and orange, it changes the color of the sky and the clouds...it's breathtakingly beautiful.


It got me thinking about the symbolicness (is that a word? ...well it is now) of the sunset. Think about it...what does the sinking of the sun herald? Night. A time devoid of (natural) light. The reign of the boogeyman begins with the sun setting. Chaos takes over without the sun to mediate its dealings with the mortal world. We experience a descent into the depths. Night provides cover for unhappy occurrences...until the sun rises again the next morning. Sunsets symbolize the end. The happy times of the day are done, and the lukewarm light of the stars take the place of the warm eye of the sun. But before it goes away each day, the sun shows us why we love the beautiful sun so much. The colors, the beauty, the simplicity of a sunset leave us with a hope that a good thing is coming...something even better than what came before.


The cycling of the sun rising and then setting can be likened to a person's life. The day begins, the sun is bright and the day gets off to a good start. It's the birth of a new day. A person's birth is similar. The child is beautiful (maybe not right out of the womb, but after it gets cleaned there are few things more precious than a newborn child). There is hope for the life. The child's flame is strong from birth, hope it high, it is going to be a good day. As the sun rises it loses some of its initial brilliance. It is still bright, but we get used to it. We've started to take it for granted. The child grows, it is still beautiful, but no longer the cute baby that it was. People begin to adjust and the child is assimilated into life. As the sun climbs, it doesn't grow brighter, but its heat grows. It reaches the summit of its elliptical path around the earth. The child is now getting into its role in life. It isn't brighter than at birth, but it is contributing to society. It's growing into an adult and coming into the best parts of its life. Things are good, the horizons are endless. Then the sun begins its descent. The brightness starts to dim...the heat is slowly but surely fading. The adult fulfills its purpose. It contributed a lot to the world in its prime, but slowly their importance isn't as valued as it once was. Its life is still a bright spot in the world, but the contributing heat is fading...the descent is coming.


The sun enters its most beautiful phase...the sunset. The heat is nearly, or already, gone. But it is as its most beautiful right at the end. The adult has grown, it has retired, it has lived a full life. Now they are truly beautiful, they have offspring who love them. Their world is complete and there is nothing more beautiful than a life well lived and a life well loved.


The sun set. The person dies. Hopelessness reigns supreme for those left behind. There is nothing left for them to enjoy. Then the realization hits...life is renewed the next day. The sun will rise again...the cycle continues. There is life after death. That is a comfort to those living and left behind, and a comfort to those completing the cycle. The constant patter of sunrises and sunsets is proof to us that there is more after us. The end isn't death...there is more.


And so we go...into the sunset...

Who am I?

Self-identification is (I'm told) the biggest struggle young adults face. We are beginning to come into our own selves. Puberty is a thing of the past. Our bodies are no longer changing as fast as they once did. And now that we are comfortable in our bodies, there is a modicum of normalcy established, we face the much more dauting task of figuring out why we are here. It's scary.


When I think about who I am, the list comes quickly and easily. I am a swimmer, I am a student, I am a scholar-athlete, I am a son, I am an older and younger brother, I am a follower of Christ, I am a liscensed driver, I am a Kentuckian...and the list could possbily continue on and on into infininty...and then beyond that. The who you are is the easiest to figure out because all you have to do is think about what you see yourself as and what other people see you as and voila...that is who you are. But how do you take who you are and apply that to the world? How do you take your being and make something useful and worthwhile out of your life? That is the self-identification that is so hard for teens to get simply because we don't know.


Throughout school we are trained and taught and told that we need to know what our CAREER is going to be...from kindergarten. We are geared to think about the future from an early age. This often leads to confusion and rash decisions on the part of the student. I mean, how can you possibly know what you want to be when you're 5 years old? Really, the thought that you could know is impossible. Now I know that teachers aren't actually expecting an actual decision on a career path in elementary school, but the thoughts are there. They get us thinking about who we are before we can know ourselves. To me it seems slightly ridiculous. Self-identification will work on its own. We all will come into who we are meant to be on our own time and in our own fashion. No one can tell you how to live your life. They will always make the decision that will help THEM the most, not YOU. Your life is your own; it has its own uniue meaning that can only be figured out by one person...you.

There is no doubt that self-identification is tough for everyone to go through. It's hard to try to figure out how to make meaning out of your life, but it helps if you're given space to figure it out on your own. Granted assistance is nice, but ultimately only YOU know what YOU like, you know who you truly are, and you will be the one who has to live with whatever you try to do and whatever you make out of your life. Self-identification is just that...yourself identifying who you are and who you will be. It is a personal journey through life; the meaning can only be determined by you...you identifying who you are. It is a unique things that we get to experience. I hope you find yourself somewhere out there.

And so we go...

The Power to Tear Someone Down

Recently, I have hit a rough patch in my life. Things have gotten busier, colleges are hounding me trying to get me to believe that their school is the absolute best place for me, school is harder, AP exams are looming on the horizon, scheduling has started....so many changes that it's making my head spin. But some things were still stable. My family is still there for me, school is harder but its still school, I'm still excelling in the pool, and my girlfriend was still a definite. Things have changed. The relationship is in a state of limbo and one of the most important legs of my table of stability is now wobbling, unsure of whether to topple or stay strong. And my feelings are now in question, which led me to the realization that when you are in a relationship that you put everything into, and then its over or in question...you are changed.

When you have someone that you give everything to, or when someone gives everything to you, you have granted, or been granted, an enormous power over that person. You hold their happiness, their...whatever you want to call it, in the palm of your hand. You can crush it or you can cherish it. Or cherish then crush it. You hold them in your hand. When things are going great its awesome, when their not...someone gets hurt.

I always told myself when bad things happen that I wouldn't cry. Granted I'm not generally a teary person, but there are things that get to me and I just can't help it (like a good swift chop to the nose). Anyways, when I first discovered signs that things were breaking down, I told myself that I wouldn't cry, no matter what happened. I lied to myself.

I never fully realized how much I had given to my relationship...until that relationship was thrown into question. Granted, the end is not here yet, but that possibility is there. It's harder than I thought it would be. I never fully realized how much of my power I had given away til all that power was given back to me. It was a lot. I was devastated. Everything that I had thought would last forever was gone. My power was back...it overwhelmed me.

When feelings are strong, you don't fully realize what you do. Things get glossed over. You forget about yourself. You forget about what you are giving away. You give your all...and when your all isn't enough you don't know what to do with yourself. You are torn down. Feelings are powerful things, beware of what they can do to you. Don't let your power get lost or it might get used against you. Beware of giving someone the power to tear you down.

And so I go.

The Distance Factor of Attraction

As I was traveling back from St. Louis this weekend, I was struck with an idea. I was sitting in a McDonald's in Mt. Vernon, Illinois waiting for my order of 10 Chicken McNuggets (hamburgers just didn't appeal at the time). A girl walked in, and I, sitting on the other side of the restaurant, found myself distracted by her apparent good looks. I avidly watched her walk in and I thought, "Jeez, I should move to Illinois" in typical hormonal teenage guy fashion. But as she came closer I realized that she didn't have what I thought she did. Not that she was ugly, but from across the room, in the glare of the fluorescent lights, filled with anticipation of eating a good meal, I attributed a lot more beauty to her than she had.

So this begged the question, what factor does distance play in attraction to a person?

One can answer this when thinking purely about the physical looks of a person. From a distance this is all you can see. If you like what you see you could be attracted to that person, physically. But you can't see what they are really like. You can see that they are pretty but you don't know what they are like. But because they are pretty you are attracted to them. Take, for instance, the actors and actresses of Hollywood. I, like I'm sure many of my contemporaries have, have always harbored a fantastical attraction to the women of Hollywood. I mean, they're beautiful. I can see that they are beautiful. I'm attracted. But I also can't ever get to know who they really are. I'm still attracted by their looks. I'm also very far removed from them. Not only in the sense of distance, but also in the sense of social standing. Distance can definitely affect physical attraction.

And then there's the other side. If you are in a relationship with someone (whatever the level is) you obviously like something about that person that makes you want to be with them. So when you are separated from that person, separated from the things you like about them, it increases your attraction for them. How many men go away on a business trip for a month or however long and then come back and shun their wives? I don't know of many who would. The fact that they have been away for so long increases their attraction to their other half. They long to be with them. Distance from the other side increases the attraction one has for the other side.

The distance factor of attraction is a potent thing. It can lead to situations that might not be desired. Like me in that McDonald's. Feelings can be confused from a distance. You can make mistakes at a distance. It is a potent thing.

And so we go.

Control and Comfort

Death is one of those things that effects everyone. It happens eventually...you can't stop it...it is inevitable. The fact that it comes and visits everyone scares everyone. No one lives forever. Death is an eventuality that everyone needs to plan for because it will come.

Death is a frightening prospect to many people. Some don't think about it because its easier that way. But the thoughts come across every now and then. It's only natural. The inevitability is the most frightening part of death. You know it's coming, there's no way to avoid it. It's scary. We always like to think that we have some manner of control over our lives. The control is comforting, it makes us feel better about things if we know the outcome. But there are some things that we just can't control and we have no way of controlling. Those are what frighten us the most. The monster under the bed...we don't know what it is, we can't control it...it scares us. The boogeyman is an unknown entity, unknown and potentially uncontrollable, so it becomes scary. Car wrecks...you LOSE control, car goes careening, scary prospect.

We, as humans, equate control with comfort. Our lives are more comfortable if we know what's coming and what to expect, right? Loss of control is when fear comes in. This is shown to us throughout history. Countries lose their leaders, there is no control, chaos reigns and people get scared. They get so scared and so wanting of control that they give up almost everything in order to get control back. In order to get their comfort back. But then this begs the question...is control always good?

Think about a communist country. Everything is controlled by the state (government), everything is provided, people are comfortable. But are they? They get everything they need, but what about what they want? How comfortable are they if they ONLY have what they need? There is always that desire for more, the want to own things and stuff that leads to a lack of comfort in a controlling society. So can control and comfort really be equal?

And so we go.