Swim Practice...Or the story of how Graham Duncan (space cowboy) gave birth to an alien species and then destroyed said species singlehandedly

****WARNING: THIS STORY IS NOT FOR THE FAINT HEARTED, SQUEEMISH, WEAK STOMACHED, OR THOSE WHO ARE PREGNANT OR MAY BECOME PREGNANT. IF YOU ARE ANY OF THE ABOVE...DO NOT READ THIS BLOG.****


It all started at swim practice on February 21, 2011. It was a normal practice, and I was feeling really good. Then, I started hacking, coughing amazingly. The chlorine fumes from the pool had combined with the oxygen in my lungs and it wasn't a nice combination. So there I was, hacking away, when a strange feeling overtook my epiglottal region. I screamed (quietly), and next thing I know there's a burning sensation in my whole thoracic cage. The pain was intense, I've never experienced anything quite like it. I thought I was going to die from the all consuming fire in my lungs and throat. Then it started moving. I had no idea what it was, but it felt like something was trying to force its way out of my trachea...something that wasn't supposed to be there. It was a curious sensation. I didn't know what to think, I didn't know what to do. Then...it started moving up, toward my mouth.

Approximately 3.2 milliseconds later, Muctor was born. From the hideous, Hadatian depths of the planet Mucosa, this creature was 25 feet tall. He had arms that could crush steel, they could crush it right into powder. His legs were as big around as tree trunks...really big tree trunks. He was solid, but amorphous. He could change his appearance at will. He was hideous...and I had birthed him.

What could I do? I was swimming. I had to prepare, but I couldn't let Muctor loose on the HealthPark and the rest of Owensboro. What were my options?

Before I could think of anything to do, Muctor took the decision out of my hands. He had started to terrorize the little kids on the team. I couldn't let that happen. I've always had a soft spot for the little children, and their screams were filled with such terror that my heart was ripped to pieces over and over. I had to act.

Activating my Speedo tool belt, I produced an alien ray shooter. I had never seen it before. I didn't know how to work it, but I had to figure out...and fast. More kids were perishing with each passing second. I found the trigger and pulled it.........only to have my right arm fall off. I had it pointed at myself. I turned it around and made mincemeat of Muctor. The kids were safe, they would survive til tomorrow. My creation was dead, my heart was torn, but everyone was thankful that such a hero was there to help them and to save their children.

So...that's how Graham Duncan, brave space cowboy, gave birth and subsequently defeated an alien species bent on the destruction of Earth's little children.







And so we go.