Duncan Enterprises

Now there is a company name...Duncan Enterprises. What a name. Duncan Enterprises. It gives me chills just thinking about it. This company (Duncan Enterprises) is my company. We manufacture everything you could think of, from plastic baby keys, to cars, to jumbo jets, to countries. I'm not exactly sure how we do that, but somehow the geniuses I have working for me (Gray Whitsett and Brian Boone) have figured out how. I don't really care because I am automatically the ruler of whatever they make. But I digress.

This conglomerate company is the single largest employer of people worldwide. Currently we have around...6.8 billion employees across the globe. Yes that is the entire population of the earth as we know it today. Whether you like it or not, whether you want to or not, you are an employee of Duncan Enterprises. We own every company in the world, we let them keep their names so that they can still have customers, however in order to keep their name they have to give 90% of their profit to Duncan Enterprises. I realize that only gives them 10%, but they really don't need that much. I mean when D.E. supplies them, and owns them, they should be greatful that we let them even keep 10%.

Duncan Enterprises has its hands in everything. Education, taken over by us approximately 10 years ago. We control what your children know, but we also control what you know so you really don't care that your children are getting brainwashed. Manufacturing, we've been in control of manufacturing worldwide for around 30 years now. But in the US, we've controlled it since antiquity. And we make everything, weapons for the armed forces, jets for the air force, Air Force One for the President, cars, anything and everything you can think of is made by us. Defense, we've been the sole provider of weapons for this country for just about ever. But our only policy on weapon making is that we only sell to America. The best of the best is what we make, and we make it for this country only. Government, we've had control of the governments of several African nations, most European countries, Russia, China, and India for approximately 20 years. We rule those countries. We control everything there. And you best believe that no one steps out of line there. But life really isn't all that bad for them. They have decent jobs (working for the company of course), but the minimum wage is around $20/hour. And we can afford that because we control the value of currency. It really is a neat thing.

Since we are the largest company in the history of mankind, Duncan Enterprises has the unique ability to control the value of money worldwide. We have a stranglehold on the economy of the world, and everyone is powerless to stop us. They've had their chances many times, back when we were weak and small and operating out of a remote jungle hut in the middle of the Sahara in China with a small outpost in the Western US. But now they can't even hope to stop us. The world really does run on Duncan...Duncan Enterprises that is.

So there you have it. A small peek into what Duncan Enterprises is all about, a monopoly on everything. And we have it. That was our goal from the beginning and we now have it.

Duncan Enterprises
Faster. Safer. Duncan.

I'm Blogging, I'm in Class and I'm Bloooogging!

Oh Yahh! Christmas is almost here and the month of December is finally hurr. This is easily my favorite time of year. My mom recently put up Christmas decorations around the house and the spirit of the season is upon me. My elves, who happen to also be my slaves, have come out of hibernation (at last) and have taken over my chores til the end of the Christmas season. The beautiful part of it all is that my elves are invisible to everyone but me. The bad part is when I have to punish them it looks like I'm having a conniption with myself, but I can deal with my family and everyone else thinking I'm weird...as long as I don't have to do my homework or any of my chores. Another great thing about Christmas is the fact that everywhere I turn (on the TV that is) there is a Christmas movie of some sort on the telly. For instance, last weekend I watched Elf three nights in a row (it made me thankful that my slave elves haven't abandoned me for the much more lucrative career of toymaking) and I enjoyed it a whole lot. There's just something about Will Ferrell in tights and a green elf suit that makes me happy. And when he sings in a store and unsuccessfully attempts to assimilate into "normal" culture...it just makes me smile. Christmas with Will Ferrell and my slave elves amid all the wonderful decorations with Christmas-y movies playing on the tube in the background...this truly is the most wonderful time of the year.

And so we go.

P.S. This blog is dedicated to Will Ferrell and Santa...y'all make my Christmas wonderful.

The Internet

Man, I feel like I need a good rant on the internet situation at this school. Blogger has not worked for a good week, and no matter how many times I restart my laptop, I can't seem to make it work. I've reduced myself to typing my blogs into a Word document and then at some unspecified point in the future I will paste them into my blog. But til then, I can't get my blogs posted and all my faithful readers can't read about all the useless things I end up talking about on this blog. UGH!

But in other news, today is a good day. It's ERF (Early Release Friday) and I'm pumped. Even though my activity involves going to my Papa's middle school where I get to do more work (yay) and then coming back to Apollo to do dryland. Still though...at least I won't be hanging around school like a chump. That's a Mrs. Kreke WHOO-WHOO worthy occasion to me. Speaking of her, I want to find her today and get her to WHOO-WHOO for me. That would be pretty freaking awesome. Not that it won't be Dag-Flabbit-ly awesome as it is. ERF is possibly the greatest reward ever. To the administration at Apollo and Central Office, this is a great thing. Don't get rid of it.

And so we go.

P.S. This blog is dedicated to ERF....stay ERF-y.

Essays

There are butterflies in my stomach and I'm getting that feeling of nervousness as the time approaches for me to write an attempt at an A for my essay over A Tale of Two Cities. And Mrs. Matthews isn't even here. Whatever shall I do? I'll tell you what I'll do...I'm going to beast mode this essay. I have a plan, I will enact said plan, I will go the distance and type out the best essay I've ever written in my life. That is my plan of action and I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that this essay will be my absolute best effort, and Mrs. Matthews, I hope that it satisfies what you want to see. This is me...writing my essay and getting that A that I want to get. This is me...succeeding in the task set before me. I can do this, and I will do this.

And so we go.

I Have No Idea

It's that time again. There are no fantastic ideas floating through my head. My only thoughts are animalistic and deal with the pain I'm feeling in my body from my 3 hour football game in the rain. I'm sorry to let down my fans (all 11 of you) on this one, but the creative juices are just not flowing today. Again I apologize...it's just one of those times.

And so we go.

P.S. Pain and fatigue get the dedication for this blog....

OH MY GOSH, DID THAT JUST HAPPEN?!?!

It's all over my stuff...and its yellow. I can't believe that just happened. Well Mrs. Matthews, guess what happens when your not in class. Here we were, under Ms. Stodghill's excellent care, minding our own business, blogging and in general being productive. Then, we hear a sound....kind of like a Coke being opened. This was followed by another sultry sound, kind of like this...bleeeuuhhhhhhh, and then a massive SPLAT!!! My first reaction was to say WHOA SHOOT!!!! And then I made the mistake of gazing into the smallish/largish pool of...yeah, I think you know what I mean. Next thing I know, Ms. Stodghill is screaming into the phone "CODE YELLOW! CODE YELLOW!" and everyone in the class is either cowering in the corner or responding to Luke's order to "SCATTER!" The class is now in shambles and no one is capable of summoning one cohesive thought. Everyone is a little shell shocked and no one knows what to do. Ms. Stodghill gets off the phone and gathers everyone back with the good news that the custodian is coming. Meanwhile, those who scattered start slowly, warily crawling back to the classroom, looking like shell-shocked soldiers after an artillery bombardment. There is a stunned silence in the room, no one quite knows what to do. Then, my good buddy Luke and I decide to break the silence with those lovely "bleeeuuhhhhhhhh" noises, laughing all the time. Ms. Stodghill is at the desk begging us to stop before she throws up too. Then, the custodian walks in, we let up a rousing cheer. He is the hero of the hour and he goes about his business with little interference to our already messed up class. From there, with the vomit cleaned up and Mrs. Matthews' return imminent, Luke and I decide to reenact the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet. As I deliver the famous "wherefore art thou Romeo?" line, I see Mrs. Matthews walking at a brisk pace back towards class. I jump down from the desk I was standing on and whisper, "Everyone back to normal, the fun is over!". Mrs. Matthews walks in, reads this blog and we end up doing nothing all day. And the only price was one kid down and vomit on my stuff. Today was a good day.


And so we go.

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving is fast approaching us as the month of November contiues to crawl forward at an unbelievably fast pace. It seems like just 3 months ago we were starting school...but regardless, Thanksgiving is just around the corner. Thanks giving is a wonderful activity. It stimulates reflection on your life and also lets you look outward to the people and things that you realize mean a lot to you. Now, i think we should do this everyday, but one day a year isn't too bad. It's better than nothing. The holiday of Thanksgiving is also a wonderful time. My family usually gets together with the rest of my family, but sometimes we lone wolf it ourselves. Regardless of who we celebrate with, one thing is constant....food. Lots and lots of food. All kinds of food. Turkey, ham, mashed potatoes, sweet potato casserole, lots of sweet things for dessert. It's amazing. And everyone dresses up, we get out the fancy table decorations, Thanksgiving is a big deal in my family. Food, Family, and more Food. And time to think about what makes your life your life and time to give thanks for those things. I love Thanksgiving.

And so we go.

P.S. This post is dedicated to Squanto, without him, there would be no Thanksgiving.