Duncan Enterprises

Now there is a company name...Duncan Enterprises. What a name. Duncan Enterprises. It gives me chills just thinking about it. This company (Duncan Enterprises) is my company. We manufacture everything you could think of, from plastic baby keys, to cars, to jumbo jets, to countries. I'm not exactly sure how we do that, but somehow the geniuses I have working for me (Gray Whitsett and Brian Boone) have figured out how. I don't really care because I am automatically the ruler of whatever they make. But I digress.

This conglomerate company is the single largest employer of people worldwide. Currently we have around...6.8 billion employees across the globe. Yes that is the entire population of the earth as we know it today. Whether you like it or not, whether you want to or not, you are an employee of Duncan Enterprises. We own every company in the world, we let them keep their names so that they can still have customers, however in order to keep their name they have to give 90% of their profit to Duncan Enterprises. I realize that only gives them 10%, but they really don't need that much. I mean when D.E. supplies them, and owns them, they should be greatful that we let them even keep 10%.

Duncan Enterprises has its hands in everything. Education, taken over by us approximately 10 years ago. We control what your children know, but we also control what you know so you really don't care that your children are getting brainwashed. Manufacturing, we've been in control of manufacturing worldwide for around 30 years now. But in the US, we've controlled it since antiquity. And we make everything, weapons for the armed forces, jets for the air force, Air Force One for the President, cars, anything and everything you can think of is made by us. Defense, we've been the sole provider of weapons for this country for just about ever. But our only policy on weapon making is that we only sell to America. The best of the best is what we make, and we make it for this country only. Government, we've had control of the governments of several African nations, most European countries, Russia, China, and India for approximately 20 years. We rule those countries. We control everything there. And you best believe that no one steps out of line there. But life really isn't all that bad for them. They have decent jobs (working for the company of course), but the minimum wage is around $20/hour. And we can afford that because we control the value of currency. It really is a neat thing.

Since we are the largest company in the history of mankind, Duncan Enterprises has the unique ability to control the value of money worldwide. We have a stranglehold on the economy of the world, and everyone is powerless to stop us. They've had their chances many times, back when we were weak and small and operating out of a remote jungle hut in the middle of the Sahara in China with a small outpost in the Western US. But now they can't even hope to stop us. The world really does run on Duncan...Duncan Enterprises that is.

So there you have it. A small peek into what Duncan Enterprises is all about, a monopoly on everything. And we have it. That was our goal from the beginning and we now have it.

Duncan Enterprises
Faster. Safer. Duncan.

I'm Blogging, I'm in Class and I'm Bloooogging!

Oh Yahh! Christmas is almost here and the month of December is finally hurr. This is easily my favorite time of year. My mom recently put up Christmas decorations around the house and the spirit of the season is upon me. My elves, who happen to also be my slaves, have come out of hibernation (at last) and have taken over my chores til the end of the Christmas season. The beautiful part of it all is that my elves are invisible to everyone but me. The bad part is when I have to punish them it looks like I'm having a conniption with myself, but I can deal with my family and everyone else thinking I'm weird...as long as I don't have to do my homework or any of my chores. Another great thing about Christmas is the fact that everywhere I turn (on the TV that is) there is a Christmas movie of some sort on the telly. For instance, last weekend I watched Elf three nights in a row (it made me thankful that my slave elves haven't abandoned me for the much more lucrative career of toymaking) and I enjoyed it a whole lot. There's just something about Will Ferrell in tights and a green elf suit that makes me happy. And when he sings in a store and unsuccessfully attempts to assimilate into "normal" culture...it just makes me smile. Christmas with Will Ferrell and my slave elves amid all the wonderful decorations with Christmas-y movies playing on the tube in the background...this truly is the most wonderful time of the year.

And so we go.

P.S. This blog is dedicated to Will Ferrell and Santa...y'all make my Christmas wonderful.